People from Norfolk warned against visiting Copenhagen Zoo

by philapilus

The Foreign Office has warned people from Norfolk not to visit a zoo in Copenhagen, after the institution revealed its policy of exterminating mammals which inbreed.

‘If you don’t blow their heads off they may not survive’

One of the zoo’s giraffes, Marius, was killed with a boltgun yesterday, because zoo officials said he could endanger the gene-pool through interbreeding. 

A Foreign Office spokesman said “We are warning anyone who has shacked up with a member – or members – of their own family to avoid the zoo.

“This advice applies to any incestuous couples from around the UK, but just to be on the safe side we suggest that the entire population of Norfolk avoid Denmark altogether.”

Other countries have taken similar precautions. The United States has banned people from the Appalachian mountains, the Florida swamps, Utah, or anyone with NRA membership, from visiting Copenhagen.

Fortuitously though, very few such citizens understand what a zoo is, much less a passport, and as they are in any case terrified of the big metal sky-buses, it is fairly unlikely they will visit.

A spokesperson for Copenhagen Zoo, Aleks Handsen, said “So we put down a surplus giraffe, so what? Much easier and quicker than castrating him, or selling him to another zoo, or giving him to a private wildlife enthusiast, or releasing him into the wild, or  just leaving him the fuck alone.

“Anyways, we have fed him to the lions, which is of course excellent use of the body, and the leftovers will make marvellous burgers for the zoo restaurant. It’s ecology in action.

“Also I use the stock to make a soup tonight, with some baboon leftovers mixed in. Delicious.”

‘Inbreeding would be awful, just imagine if they all ended up looking the same or something’


We would like to point out that, despite Danish zoos being apparently staffed by fuckwits, we are NOT vegetarians, animal activists, or any other kind of eco-lunatics. In fact the funniest story we heard all year was about two mating giraffes who fell down a hill and broke their necks. So please STOP asking us to join your campaign to prevent snails being killed, or whatever the fuck it is, you hippies.

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