Everyone to ask LaBeouf about erotic film constantly

by philapilus

‘Jesus wept, what an utter pillock’

After actor Shia LaBeouf walked out of a press conference over a question about his explicit new film, everyone in the industry has vowed to ask exactly the same question constantly, until he fucks off permanently.

German film critic, Hans Onmykoch, said “It was brilliant. Someone asked something about the sex in the new von Trier film, and he just stormed off. If that’s how easy it is to get rid of him, we’re laughing.”

Already LaBeouf’s agent, family, and every director he has ever worked with, have rung the inexplicably employed actor and asked continuous questions about the film’s sex scenes.

All auditions for which he is currently lined up will also feature a long Q&A session on precisely the same subject.

LA restaurateur, Randy Bumfukowizc, said “Shia walked in here last night, and asked for a table. The Maitre d’, who has always been a quick thinker, said ‘Would M’sieur care for a window seat, or would M’sieur like to tell to moi something about the sex in the von Trier…’

“And before he could finish the sentence, LaBeouf had fucked off. Genius!”

An internet campaign has already been launched, calling for volunteers to maintain a vigil outside the actor’s house holding up placards with the question on, until he leaves the country.

So far 364,271 people have volunteered to participate, and many more have pledged money to buy him an air-ticket to a remote island, where he can never, ever make a film again.

Lars von Trier said “Why do you think I put all the sex in? Originally this was a film about accountancy. But Shia came in and said ‘If there are sex scenes I warn you now, I will refuse to speak to anyone.

“So we changed the titled to Nymphomaniac, and took it from there.”


%d bloggers like this: