Holly from Ilford bared her chest in the Sun today, whilst inviting the country to join her in a meditative prayer to Almighty God, pleading with Him to cease the constant deluge.
On Page 3, Holly’s speech bubble says, “Loving Father, we pray to you, through the patron saint of good weather, St Medard, and beg you to stop micturating so violently upon our sinful heads.
“We wondered if perhaps, in your all-seeing wisdom, you might just sort of divert the clouds over to France for a bit? Thanks God, and hope you like my D-cups. Amen.”
Feminist champion, Peter Stringfellow, said “The Lord’s gotta be a big fan of the old bristols, right? I mean, he made ’em, and they don’t come much better formed than Holly’s!
“A nice pair of bazookas never did anyone any harm, and that’s not sexist, that’s just a fact.
“Holly’s got a great rack of chesticles there, and if I was God, which I like to think I sort of nearly am, I’d have one look at those Brad Pitts, and say ‘Christ Almighty, what am I thinking? Poor sodden sods, they’ve had enough, I’ll send all this rain over to bloody Europe somewhere, maybe Krautland or something.”
Some critics have suggested that God might not be inclined to stop his furious, waterborne destruction of the UK because of a campaign started in a newspaper.
Especially one which is pretty much as full of conventional ‘sin’ as you can get, without buying the Daily Sport, or Jeremy Clarkson’s autobiography.
But Sun editor, David Dinsmore, said those critics must be dykes with tattoos and spikes in their faces – and that’s not sexist, cos most of them are – so his Holy Crusade will continue.