Confirmation that people who confirm demon possessions are confirmed morons

by philapilus

Many terrified Americans believe this to be clinching photographic proof of the devil’s existence

It was confirmed today that religious specialists and medical staff who confirm that children are possessed by demons, are not only incredible morons, but are also possessed by moron spirits.

The Association of Americans Who Aren’t Fuckwits warned of “mass moronacy”, after Indiana Police Captain, Billy-Bob Bucktooth, said that the only possible explanation for some children behaving strangely was ‘demon possession’.

Captain Bucktooth announced at a press conference yesterday “We’m saw them there chillun an’ they was walking on the walls, or leastways they was bouncing off of them, like sort of jumpin’, only it was scarier than that.

“And they done been shoutin’ and growlin’ an’ a doin’ up a hollerin’ like you ain’t never heard. Jumping Jehosephat, if that ain’t the work of the devil, I don’t know what IS”.

Medico-religious specialist, Wendy Nailinthehead, said “Yep, Billy-Bob sure got that right. They kids is full of the devil, and we need to burn that Satan outta them. An’ I ain’t jes agreein’ with him cos he’s my husband. An’ I ain’t  jes agreein’ with him cos he’s my brother, neither.”

But actual trained psychologist, Samantha Furcup, said “Children have always behaved oddly, for various reasons; attention-seeking, uncertainty, confusion, and frustration at a lack of ability to articulate their feelings.

“Of course, if they are being raised by adults who are telling them they are genuinely possessed by real demons, that might not particularly help much.”

Rational, twinkly-eyed gent, Mark Twain, said “Of course, any thinking person knows that ‘possession’ is utter balderdash.

“But if these hicks and rubes insist on the factual truth of demon possession, then the only way to help them is to insist that spirits of moronacy have possessed them, and that they need to be exorcised, via the complex magical ritual of opening a fucking book and learning to read.”

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