Balls-baiting regresses to shouting ‘You’re a twat’ over and over

by philapilus

‘What’s so funny about a pair of balls and a stick anyway?’

Positive economic figures allowed the Tories to mount a concerted attack on Shadow-Chancellor Ed Balls yesterday, with initial homonym jokes about male testicles/his name, soon degenerating into screams of “You useless cunt, Balls!”

Questions from Conservative backbenchers began along the lines of ‘Is the opposition’s economic policy just total Balls?’, ‘Is the Shadow Chancellor getting testey?’ and even the somewhat laboured ‘Has the Shadow Chancellor run into a policy cul-de-SAC?’

But quite quickly the Tories ran out of slang words for bollocks, and, after trying to work out Latin and Greek puns on plums, resorted to just yelling “You utter, utter arse, Balls!” over and over.

Calling for hush from his backbenchers, George Osborne stood up, his trademark smirk almost bursting at the seams, and said “Mr Speaker, I think if the opposition have proved anything today, it is that hermaphrodites are real. The Labour leader has shown that having Balls does not preclude – and indeed can be the same as- having a twat.”

The Labour benches erupted into shouts of “Gideon’s a tosspot”, and “Fuck you Osborne, your mum has herpes”, but as the Tories chanted in unison “Balls = cunt! Balls = cunt!”, it was clear that the upper hand in the economic debate currently lies with the government.

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