Queen to leave door on the latch

by philapilus

‘It’s not like she’s even been given a nice house or anything’

MPs have suggested that since the financial burden of supporting the Royal family has increased, the Queen should leave Buckingham Palace open for visitors whenever she pops out.

Margaret Hodge, Chairwoman of the Public Accounts Committee, said “We’re not asking her to physically sit there and entertain thousands of grubby foreigners to tea.

“But if she happens to be on her way out for a pint of milk or a packet of Bourbons, she could just leave the door ajar, and let some more visitors come in and poke around a bit.”

But the suggestion that Royal assets should be used more effectively to relieve the burden on the public purse, has been dismissed by Royalists, and people who are confused as to the difference between the Monarch and God.

Tim Twanks, a self-described unemployed fan of the Royals, said “They’re not like you and me. They’re just inherently, naturally better, right from birth.

“We can’t expect them to live off a paltry £31m of public funds. That would be like asking the BBC to justify Jonathan Ross, or asking Simon Cowell to explain why he shouldn’t just be thrown into a bath of acid. And who in their right mind could ask that?”

Head of the Royal Household, Flusher of the Royal Lavatory, and Brusher of the Royal Teeth, Sir Leslie Fanshawe-Haines-Haines, said “This is bloody nonsense. Quibbling over a few million is an insult to Her Most Gracious Majesty, what?

“Why should she let oiks into her house, where they might trample on the carpets, or nick her cutlery? Bloody foreign buggers, what?”

But Margaret Hodge said “We just wondered if, given the enormous amount of money we give the Royal family, they could possibly occasionally let a few more people pop in to look at things that belong to the nation. You know, just until commoners can afford to feed their children again.

“No? Oh, ok then.”


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