“Angry Birds is No. 1 terrorist training tool” says NSA

by philapilus

‘Just like 9/11 all over again…’

US and British spy agencies have justified their data collection from computer game ‘Angry Birds’ on the grounds that the game is a covert method of recruiting and training terrorists.

Mr NotHisRealName, from the National Security Agency, said “Of course we’re spying on everyone who plays Angry Birds! Just think about it: righteously furious, airborne assailants, slingshotting themselves into infidel pigs. What about that doesn’t spell ‘suicide bomber training’ to you?”

Mr Spokesman, from definitely non-existent UK agency MI6, said “This is the reality of spying in the modern age. Whilst it’s pretty cool travelling round the world, staying in luxury hotels, making love to beautiful women, and jumping out of helicopters, the only way we actually ever catch anyone is by meticulously looking at what computer games they have been playing.”

Both agencies have declined to comment on the logical implication that the majority of terrorists must be overweight, Caucasian men shirking work and minimising the Window every time the boss comes round.

They have also refused to make any kind of statement about how successful such data-collecting has been in countering international terrorism.

But they do insist that for the sake of Western civilization, it is very important that all of their employees spend all day every day playing Angry Birds, and trying to top the high scores list “To prevent the terrorists from gaining the upper hand.”

Mr NotHisRealName added “And don’t even get me started on the dangers of ‘Minesweeper’ or ‘Battleships’!”

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