Facebook “finest campaigning force for good known to man”

by philapilus

Facebook has discovered that this activity, which it has provisionally called ‘whaling’, has been going on for centuries!

After a recent Facebook campaign drew attention to the plight of pilot whales, which are brutally slaughtered by Faroe islanders in an annual killing spree, the social media site has been labelled “the only way anyone will ever find anything out from now on”.

Wendy Nailinthehead, self-described ‘born again environmentalist’ said “Normally I spend my evenings eating Wotsits, watching Downton Abbey, and wanking in the bath, but yesterday I saw this Facebook page about bloodthirsty Danish people killing whales

“It takes place in the land of Faraway Islands, or something, and it’s just really nasty. Well, I took immediate action. I fired off a ‘Like’ for the page campaigning against it, and commented ‘DISlike’, with an icon of a sad face.

“This is the start of a new chapter for me. I think I’m going to be the new Chris Packham, or that one off the really wild show who got his finger bitten off by a Walrus;  Terry Nutjob, was it?

“Well done Facebook for uncovering evil practises that no-one had ever known about before.”

Tom Lardon, a sales-manager from Ilford, said “I get all my news about the world through Facebook now. It’s the most objective, effective tool out there. And also, brilliantly, it saves me all that time that I used to waste reading newspapers. I say ‘newspapers’, I mean skimming the headlines on the BBC website. But it’s the same thing.”

Xave Blubber, from Save the Whales, said “I’m so glad that so many people are leaping into action, adding their email addresses to the electronic form we put on the internet, which is not at all half-arsed, and is bound to make a real difference.”

But critics say that Facebook pages which alleviate all sense of responsibility by giving you the option to click a button, that then publically tells all your friends you are a world-saving saint, might not be the only useful form of environmentalism.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough Institute for Stopping People Being Bastards To Animals, said “I guess it’s nice people are pretending to care deeply. But it would be even nicer if they didn’t treat ‘liking’ a Facebook page as the highest form of social action.

“But on the other hand, if we environmentalists were slightly less obnoxious, smug, self-righteous bastards, we might be able to get more people actually taking action. So it’s swings and roundabouts.”

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