Ed Balls challenges “fucking cunt Clegg” to fight after school

by philapilus

Historical precedent: Charles Kennedy thought he was hard too, until his nose was in the powerful, sweaty grip of Gordon Brown…

After saying on the radio that he could take the shadow chancellor in a fight, Nick Clegg was today formally challenged to a bout of fisticuffs by a highly inflamed Balls.

A Conservative eyewitness from Form 3B said that Ed Balls waited for Clegg outside the House of Commons at breaktime, and took the LibDem leader by surprise, pushing him to the floor.

“Nick tried to get up, but Balls stood above him, shaking his fists threateningly, until Cleggy curled up like a terrified hedgehog.

“The shadow chancellor then slapped the back of Nick’s head several times with an armoured gauntlet, spat on his blazer and said ‘And don’t even think of running crying to old Cammers, the Head; come 3 o clock, you’re dead!'”

Clegg had boasted on Radio 5 Live that he’d just started kickboxing and would “soon be like, a really well ‘ard Ninja or something, and then people will stop sticking notes on my back saying ‘cunt’ or ‘pussyflaps’ or ‘pants-wetter’ or ‘mummy’s boy’ or ‘useless sell-out who is going to be destroyed at the next election’.”

But the bravado disappeared when he was actually physically confronted by school bully Ed Balls.

Andy Burnham, one of Balls’s gang said “Nick cried, and went straight to the matron’s office to say he didn’t feel well, and could his mum please come and pick him up.

“But she was busy, and said he had to get the bus home like normal. So when the bell rings at the end of Maths, Clegg is gonna get stomped.

“We’re all going to crowd round and shout ‘Fight, fight, fight!’ just like in a state school. It’s going to be excellent!

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