MP warns of influx of time-travelling immigrants

by unpseudable

Every Slav could have had one of these by 1988. We can’t know for sure.

Conservative Member of Parliament, and ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’ star, Nadine Dorries, used her appearance on Question Time this week to alert the public to the danger of mass immigration from the Eastern Europe of the mid-1990s. Or potentially chronologically even earlier.

Dorries’ stark warning came in response to an audience member asking if racist rhetoric might subside as the feared large-scale influx of immigrants from Romania and Bulgaria has failed to materialise. “There has been no tidal wave but there might be tomorrow, there might be next year – we don’t know – and that is the problem.” She asserted, continuing, “We could have a tidal wave from Yugoslavia.”

When it was pointed out to her that Yugoslavia broke up during the Yugoslav wars of the early 90s, Dorries continued, “Err, well, yes, of course. However we fail to consider the possibility of massive advances in technology that may have occurred in the twilight of the Soviet era.”

When pushed by David Dimbleby, she conceded that while she wasn’t entirely sure time-travelling technology was available to the average Slav in the 80s and 90s, “it would be foolish and short-sighted to dismiss the possibility out of hand.”

Nigel Farage greeted the warning with interest. “This is interesting. By which I mean either just ignorant or batshit mad, which I suppose is why it appeals so. It could give us a whole new group of people to stoke up hysterical fear about: people from the past. Foreign people from the past. Of course, if it does actually happen we’ll be fucked.” At which point he paused, looked around furtively and became ashen white. Or at least slightly less orange.

Despite being ridiculed over the 24 hours following the broadcast, Dorries maintained and elaborated upon her theory. “So this tidal wave hasn’t ‘materialised’? Just you wait. I predict that within the next 6 months we’ll have late twentieth century Slavs literally materialising left right and centre, to take our jobs, benefits and women. Just wait.”

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