New 60 mph speed limit ‘threat to humanity’

by unpseudable

Blah, blah, blah, fast cars, blah, blah, blah, cute little bunny, blah, blah, blah, finished it off with a tyre iron

Proposals for a 32 mile section of the M1 to be restricted to 60 mph have been hailed by drivers as a potential precursor to the coming apocalypse.  Whilst the move is ostensibly being put forward to tackle air pollution, some see it as the ushering in of a new satanic totalitarian state.

Nick Dobend, spokesperson for Driving Is Cool, Keep Speediness, said, “This is the thin end of the wedge, opening up the way for the government to take our homes and children, and – God forbid – our cars.  It’s yet another example of the nanny state meddling in people’s God-given right to drive as they wish.  We predict the collapse of western civilization by Thursday morning.  Teatime at the latest.”

AA president, Edmund King, warned that this could be the tip of the iceberg.  “Our concern is how far this will spread, and whether the Government is effectively reducing speed limits by the back door – or the ‘boot’.  Or maybe even the passenger side door.  And how precisely will this 60 mile per hour so-called ‘speed limit’ be enforced?  Have the government considered that?   We of Alcoholics Anonymous are dead against it”

The RAC took a similar stance, saying that there would “inevitably be a negative impact on business efficiency and individual mobility.  For a few miles people will be going 10 miles per hour slower than they would otherwise be travelling.  10 miles an hour.  Granted, fuel efficiency is greater at a slightly lower speed, and tailbacks may have less impact.  But this means the whole 32 mile stretch could take almost an extra five – that’s five – whole minutes to cover.  Chilling.  This could destroy the economy.”

Shadow Transport Secretary, Mary Creagh voiced concern that, despite the entire road system involving numerous different speed limits, including variable speed limits in place on many motorways, this specific change could “confuse” drivers, who would find themselves having to “slow down slightly”.

Meanwhile, Jeremy Clarkson said something about wanting to be able to drive as fast as he bloody well likes, but was roundly ignored by everyone.

%d bloggers like this: