Cameron: ‘If I’m like Enoch, then Vince Cable is Mussolini’

by philapilus
English: Nick Clegg and Vince Cable

Vince and Nick “or Benito and Adolf, as I like to call ’em!” sneered Shapps

Senior tories have rounded on Vince Cable, after the Business Secretary suggested current immigration concerns are slightly reminiscent of earlier panics, such as the one which precipitated Enoch Powell’s infamous ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech.

Conservative chairman Grant Shapps said Cable was “Like an uppity house negro who’s powdered his face and thinks he can ‘strut wid’ de masser'”, while Nigel Mills, MP for Amber Valley, called Cable “a demented hellspawn, who should be hung from the gallows after such base treachery on a TV programme.”

The prime minister, who was told by the chairman that Cable had definitively called him “The dog-sodomising offspring of Thatcher and Enoch Powell” reportedly told Shapps to make it very clear that he, Cameron, considered Vince Cable to be “as ugly, intransigent, dogmatic and malodorous as Benito Mussolini”.

Not wanting to be left out, Ed Miliband said all senior tories were “multiple reincarnations of Hitler”, and in retaliation William Hague said the Labour party were exactly reminiscent of a gang of Sonderkommandos.

Everyone agreed Nick Clegg is a fucktard.

The BBC’s political correspondent, Polly Tickle, said “Again we see the sudden, inexplicable escalation from a throwaway comment to full-scale verbal warfare.

“I think there are two issues here. One is that Vince has such an insufferably dull, sopor-inducing voice, that it is impossible to watch the clip and stay awake long enough to work out what he actually said.

“The other is that politicians are a paranoid, childish, tattle-telling bunch of egomaniacs, whose every utterance is distorted by the prurient, goading, facile machine of the British press, for the entertainment of a semi-sentient British public. This perpetuates a vicious cycle of rumour, name-calling, and explosions of outrage over absolutely nothing.

“Sorry? Make it simpler? Ok: ‘Vince, he’s very dull. MPs, they’re very paranoid. Press, they’re very naughty. People, they’re not clever. Storm in a teacup.

“What, still? Ok: They all fuckwits. You no vote, ok? Look, big boobs page 3! It teabreak yet?”

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