MPs ‘brilliant again’ says everyone

by philapilus
English: David Cameron's picture on the 10 Dow...

‘This is my caring face’

After several years of residing in the metaphorical doghouse (largely for buying solid gold actual doghouses), MPs were today welcomed back into the bosom of the British public.

Yesterday’s confirmation of the 11%  payrise MPs are receiving as part of the government’s austerity measures, coincided with an afternoon’s Parliament of talking at length about how great Nelson Mandela was – reminding voters of the bloody good job their representatives undertake.

Wendy Nailinthehead, a sales analyst from Doncaster said, “This is great news. I suppose the payrise must be because they are going to be working 11% harder now? Fantastic. That’ll sort the country out, and no mistake.”

Stephen Stevenson, a stevedore from Stevenage, added “They’re brilliant aren’t they? Bless their cotton socks.

“By the way, yesterday at work we chatted about Nelson Mandela in our coffee-break for a whole fifteen minutes, and then later on for at least another hour when we stopped for lunch.

“I assume that means I’m in line for an 11% payrise? That extra two hundred quid means I’ll be able to heat the house for some of Christmas morning, and maybe even feed my children cheese on toast as a special Christmas dinner.”

David Cameron said in a statement this morning that although the House of Commons would soon be starting its long Christmas recess, hardworking MPs would be allowed the rest of the week off to plan what they would like to do with their extra £7k.

“Of course, it is a source of deep pain for us to take this payrise, when so many people in this country are having such a hard time of it.

“But frankly, if you don’t give MPs large enough wads of cash and benefits, the standard will fall away completely. You’d end up with a country run by fuckwits who steal from the public purse to fund second homes, or ruin the economy and then try to fix it by starving the poor – basically people who are just utter arseholes.

“Can you imagine how bad that would be?”

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