Miller explains decision to stand down at 2015 election

by articulatedsheep

Andrew Miller, MP for Ellesmere Port and Neston, has explained his reasons for standing down from his seat at the 2015 General Election.

Miller: "was menaced by looming shadow of Big Ben"

Miller: “was menaced by looming shadow of Big Ben”

Mr. Miller, currently chair of the Commons Science and Technology Select Committee, has represented the Cheshire seat since 1992.

“I am actually mechanical, and am operated by a tiny man who sits in my belly, controlling my movements via a complicated system of weights and pulleys.” said the MP, explaining his decision. “As you will appreciate, keeping up this ruse for more than twenty years has been particularly wearing, and I think I deserve a bit of a rest before moving on.”

Miller, whose long-standing interest in science issues is said to derive from the need to understand and better refine his complex internal workings, is constructed from a fibre-glass shell, which covers a lightweight aluminium endoskeleton. Ancillary power is provided by a cluster of lithium batteries which need to be surreptitiously recharged via a cable located under his left arm.

Asked why it was that he was an automaton controlled by a very small person hidden inside himself, Miller replied, “Look, who’s going to vote for a really really tiny person? You’re not going to come across as remotely credible. You’ve got a load of people lined up at an election hustings. Four of them are normal size and then – oh look! Someone else who’s seven inches tall. Who are you going to vote for? That’s why we do this.”

“Not that you should take that as meaning that there are any more MPs who secretly have tiny people inside them working the controls. Well, there are a couple, maybe a few more, but it’s not as if we secretly meet up to plan some kind of violent military coup or something. No, definitely not.”

Paying tribute to Mr. Miller’s contribution to national politics, Labour leader Ed Miliband said, “Do we not all have a tiny person inside us, working the controls? I mean that metaphorically, I’m not asking a question. Although it would be good if you could let us know if you do. It’s just that we’re not quite sure how many there are and while we’re fairly confident they aren’t a threat as such, all this has put us all a bit on edge.”

“No, no. It’ll probably all be fine.”



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