People still not riding to work on unicorns, says report

by philapilus
English: Tank!

How many KFC staff do you see rocking up in one of these?

The RAC Foundation has produced a report showing that most people are continuing to use traditional modes of transport, such as cars or buses, rather than riding on griffins, unicorns, or pegasi.

A spokesperson said “To our complete surprise, commuting in England and Wales is still generally done by car, train, bus… you know, things like that.

“Fewer than 1% of all commuters ride mythical creatures, less than 250 people within the M25 area arrive at the office on a combine harvester, and almost no one within urban conurbations sails to work in 19th century paddle steamers.

“This goes to show that when it comes to commuting, this country still has a lot to learn.”

Other surprising factors mentioned in the report include the relatively high number of farmers using tractors to plough their fields rather than Robin Reliants, and the dearth of milkmen who complete their rounds using WWII Lancaster bombers.

MPs are amongst the least likely to use ecologically-friendly means of transport, but amongst the most likely to use non-conventional means of transportation.

Environment Minister Owen Paterson travels to work in a 12-wheeled juggernaut, environmental journalist Zac Goldsmith drives in from Richmond on a tank, and Green MP Caroline Lucas rides to the House of Commons in a converted skip suspended from four Chinook helicopters, whilst throwing barrels of burning oil into the Thames.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, Head of Travel Studies at the coffee kiosk in Slough train station, said “If it wasn’t for Vince Cable windsurfing up the Old Kent Road, there would be no MPs using enviro-friendly means of transport at all.

“It’s really odd isn’t it, how people don’t want to use public transport, when all it costs is a very reasonable 25% of the average salary, to sit next to an obese, sweating lardarse screaming into his mobile phone for an hour and a half.

“It defies explanation.”

%d bloggers like this: