English language ‘now finally broken beyond repair’ after John Major’s killing stroke

by philapilus
former British PM John Major in the Terme Hote...


The long-suffering English language was rendered asunder this morning with an audible ‘pop’, after former tory prime minister Sir John Major accidentally stretched logic and truth beyond the point of no return.

In what only a severely brain-damaged rabbit could call a shrewd observation, Major suggested that a private school-educated elite had a stranglehold on public office and the running of the country.

But, unfortunately for meaning and semiotic consistency with reality, Major followed this up by suggesting that the highly-privileged elite  – which includes, for instance, the entire Conservative cabinet – was somehow completely the fault of the previous Labour administration.

Following which a black hole popped open in the middle of the English language, and has begun the inexorable devouring of every single word.

Now ex-Professor of Language at Slough School of Speech, Hamish McEyebrau, said today “Not that Labour’s government were necessarily much more representative of ‘ordinary folk’ – whoever they are.

” But the idea that Labour could somehow be responsible for the constitution of the tory front bench – rather than say party selection committees, inherent tory predilections, and indeed the overwhelming likelihood of rich bastards being tories – is a fucking joke.

“Oh well, that’s it for English I’m afraid.”

Major only hastened the complete collapse of the language with his subsequent wholly untrue statement that “Not everyone in UKIP is necessarily a frothing-at-the-mouth lunatic who wears the skin of his parents as a hat in bed.”

Experts say that all sense in any English sentence will vanish sometime early this afternoon, once all the words that were left have been used up, after which there will be nothing but a meaningless chaos of frog bandage kneebiter slepslepslep curdled be-buggered cantankerosity meep meep ytdiikiy6utgfyvhjgjk;uiojjjjjjjjjpoii0p–

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