BBC reveals Johnny Depp is ‘made of cake’

by philapilus
Jack Sparrow (Madame Tussauds, London).

Those dreadlocks are actually made of liquorice

The BBC has made the extremely surprising discovery that actor Johnny Depp is actually made entirely of cake.

Depp, whose works include the enormously successful ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ quadrilogy, has more often than not been seen as the ‘eye candy’ in his films, but few people – if any – in the industry were aware quite how literal this was.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Scary Sweetstuffs, said “I think that everyone just assumed his clowning walk, lifeless performance and random diction was all down to ‘getting into character’, particularly when he played Hunter S Thompson, Jack Sparrow, Ed Wood, Sweeney Todd – actually the list goes on and on.

“But no one realised that he was made completely out of cake and animated by his agent, marionette-master Peter Stringfellow, or that he was voiced using cut-up and heavily edited Sid James recordings.

“It was only when Stringfellow ran out of Sid’s old films that the truth came out.

“Well, that and the time he was seen eating one of Johnny’s toes.”

Since the shocking story broke, other Hollywood bombshells have come to light, including the allegations that Keanu Reeves is made of wood, Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a robot dressed in synthetic skin, and Anthony Hopkins is made entirely of bees.

Quentin Tarantino, spokesman for the Hollywood Actors’ and Directors’ Association said “Depp was baked by someone who is clearly ‘not all there’ and…”

But just then his plastic head full of raccoon-shit fell off and rolled under the table.

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Depp is made of cake. Seriously. Google it.  ‘BBC Depp Cake’

 

 

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