India to feed the poor with Martian rocks

by philapilus


Less is More  mars and the moon

‘Provided they’re made of paneer, we’re onto a winner’

The Indian Space Research Organisation has defended its decision to send a spacecraft to Mars, citing the vast number of edible rocks it will eventually be able to send back, with which it will combat the country’s endemic poverty.

Dr K. Radhakrishnan, Chairman of the IRSO, said “Whilst it is true that the Mangalyaan Mars craft will not be returning to India with food for the starving and gold for the poor, it will be undertaking incredibly important research, such as confirming the findings of the other three space agencies that beat us there.

“Being the fourth country to reach Mars is incredibly important, as we can send out a little robot to knock down the other countries’ flags and put up one of our own. This is vital for the purposes of scientific research, and places us ahead of both the Welsh and the Mexicans in the space-race.

“What this certainly isn’t is a huge waste of $72m in a bid to piss off the Chinese.”

While India’s shrinking economy, mass poverty, and overpopulation mean there is an increasing strain on resources, its mission to Mars is expected vastly to benefit the four  people involved in the space programme, and inject a huge amount of ‘positive energy’  into the economy if, for instance, they tip their cleaning staff an extra rupee per head.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School for Capitalising on Space, said “India will do incredibly well out of this, provided they have either placed a huge bet at Ladbrokes on being the 4th country to get to Mars, or manufactured a transporter beam that can send, I don’t know, edible rocks or something back to Earth.

“But it’s only $72m, and everyone who gives the country foreign aid will be delighted to see that this money has not been frivolously wasted on trying to establish healthcare and clean water for the poor.

“Plus it’s not half going to piss off the Chinese.”

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