Nazi loot: “I could do better than that” says everyone’s Grandad

by philapilus


Les Demoiselles d'Avignon. Oil on Canvas (244 ...

“And that’s meant to be good, is it?” Grandad said scornfully

Grandads across the country complained angrily this morning, after news broke that the haul of modern artworks discovered in a Munich apartment could be worth  a billion euros.

“A billion euros? For that stack of crap?!” said Grandpa from Hull, “Bloody Picasso. I could do a better drawing than that with my eyes shut! He hasn’t even got the nose in the right place, or the mouth. Was he some sort of spastic or something?”

In Southend, Gramps, a decorator and proud grandparent of five evil little tykes, said “That Marc Chagall was a right chancer if you ask me. Look at that horse; that’s ‘art’, is it? Bollocks. Daylight robbery. What did Chagall know about doing an honest day’s work? Nothing! I bet he couldn’t have even painted a wall properly, wouldn’t know one end of a brush from the other.”

The looted works were classified as ‘degenerate art’ or ‘entartete kunst’ in the Nazi era, and would have been confiscated by the authorities, or compulsorily purchased for a fraction of their value.

Many of the pieces discovered in the Munich apartment of Cornelius Gurlitt were actually already under international warrants, being searched for by the descendants of the original owners.

But Grandad said “Say what you like about Hitler, but he could tell art from bullshit. My daughter’s toddler can draw better than that Matisse already, and he’s only three. Modern art; what a load of balls. They should pile up all 1500 works in a great big bonfire in the street, and burn the lot of them. Make an example of these bloody charlatans.”

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