Ed Miliband’s shadow cabinet arrested

by philapilus


English: ballot box

This terrorist device could go political at any moment

The Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the entire opposition front bench have been taken into custody by police, over suspicions that their actions have been ‘promoting a political or ideological cause’.

A police spokesman, PC McGarry No. 452, said “Our detention of David Miranda, partner of Guardian journalist Glenn Greenwald, under anti-terrorism powers, has inadvertently opened up a can of worms; there’s bloody loads of people promoting political causes! We had no idea it was this bad.

“Seriously, we are going to need a lot more staff. We’ve discovered that there are whole swathes of the population, who purchase and read political literature in the form of so-called ‘newspapers’ and ‘mag-a-zines’, and then talk about what they’ve read.

“We will be issuing guidelines about what these seditious pamphlets look like just as soon as we’ve found some, but in the meantime we are advising everyone to avoid reading anything that has been written down, and to stay away from any form of human interaction other than discussing the weather.”

He added “We’ve really got our work cut out for us here. Even just walking on my way to work this morning I saw a man selling poppies, and I’m pretty sure that was political.

“Then there’s all these religious fanatics who think you should give money to the poor or your soul will suffer, which is definitely an attempt to ‘use psychological terrorism to alter and/or impede the uninhibited flow of commercial activity’ as per Section 52.6.III, and therefore they need to be ‘locked up and pelted with socks soaked in urine’, as per official force guidelines.”

Theresa May said “We were going to start arresting people who don’t vote conservative, but there’s so few voters around these days. So we’re just going to arrest everyone who isn’t already a member of the party.”

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