‘Putin could beat Obama at arm-wrestling’ says Forbes

by philapilus
Barack Obama & Vladimir Putin at Putin's dacha...

The only thing we need to know is who has the biggest tonker

The world’s most prominent magazine for list-making has released its hugely influential and important annual power-list, in which it has ranked Vladimir Putin above Barack Obama in arm-wrestling skills.

A spokesman for Forbes, Ivor Smalljohnson, said “In our (wholly theoretical) league-table of arm-wrestling skills, we reckon that Putin’s mighty iron fist could easily force Obama’s rather limp hand to the tabletop.

“After all, Putin is clearly a magnificent wanker; pretty much everything he does is a colossal shining sack of wank – his wrist muscles must be bigger than Arnie’s! Look at his brilliant new anti-gay law; astonishingly powerful wanking going on right there.

“Whereas Obama is – how can I put this? – a bit too weak for our liking. He’s got this whining liberal agenda thing going on, he wants healthcare for the poor – also the whole country closed down for a couple of weeks just because he was to stubborn to yield to unconstitutional bullying by the GOP. Plus I don’t you if you noticed, but he’s, well, you know, a bit… brown.”

This list marks the first time that Forbes has ranked Putin above his American counterpart, and as such will rank high on Forbes’ next ‘Top Ten Lists In Which The Rankings Might Surprise You’, and the subsequent ‘Top Ten Lists Of All Time Topped By Someone Whose Name Starts With The Letter P’

Professor Hamish McEyeBrau, Head of Meaningless Magazine Articles at the Slough School of Journalism, said “Of course, you’ll all be wanting to know where Angela Merkel and David Cameron came on the list. The answer is: ‘it doesn’t fucking matter, it’s all completely fabricated and pointless, you vapid, vacuous, empty-headed halfwits’.

“Thanks.”

 

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