Dell laptops ‘not worth peeing on’ say cats

by philapilus

The feline community has expressed outrage over the suggestion that their urine smells similar to laptops made by manufacturer of very low grade computers, Dell.


‘Are you fucking kidding? Not if you paid me.’

Mr Mistoffelees, spokescat and conjuror for children’s parties, said “Those assholes who complained that their piece-of-shite laptops smelled of cat pee can go hang themselves.

“My urine is like a fine, dry Tesco’s own brand chardonnay, compared with the un-upgradable, cheap, laughable excuses for ‘computers’ that bunch of morons crap out.

“Honestly, they take about forty-five minutes to start up and shut down, they constantly fuck-up and crash, and as for their aftercare; the customer helpline provides less support than a wall built of giant boob implants. And is, I highly suspect, manned by a wall of giant boob implants.

“Cat piss? You fucking wish, Dell!”

Business partners Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer said “As professional pranksters, with multiple convictions for micturating upon various technological items during the assemblage process, we want it to be known that we had nothing to do with this. We wouldn’t piss on a Dell for all the tea in China. They are total wank.”

Cat computer specialist, Rum Tum Tugger was asked for his opinion, but said he was too busy setting up his new franchise of Happy Ending masseuse parlors.

Macavity the Mystery Cat said “Dell computers are basically just junk. 

“They’re the kind of thing your gran buys, because she thinks she’s going to join the ‘information technology revolution’, and she saw them advertised during Countdown.

“They are computers for fuckwits, morons, and the kind of people who think taking a masterpiece by T S Eliot, and giving it to Andrew Lloyd fucking Webber to ruin, is a really good idea.”

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