“Exploitation by the Big 60, not the Big 6” promises Cameron

by philapilus
English: Ed Miliband, British politician and S...

Ed has said he will ‘Strangle the corporations with the big red hand of socialism’

With less than eighteen months to go until the next election, David Cameron yesterday took the fight to Ed Miliband on energy policy, as he unveiled his answer to Labour’s promised price freeze; “increase the number of total-bastard suppliers”.

‘Bunch of arseholes’

A government energy expert said that Cameron was “Drawing a new political line in the sand. A really good line, straight and true, on a nice big fresh bit of unmarked sand.

“Just down there, near where the tide’s coming in, see?”

After the six main suppliers of UK energy raised their prices almost 10% – far in excess of current rises in wholesale prices – top executives have been summoned to appear before the Energy and Climate Change Committee, where it is rumoured they will be told how naughty they are in no uncertain terms.

The prime minister has expressed a wish (which is just one step down from demanding with the full force of British law) that there were more energy companies, which would, he said wistfully, increase competition and bring prices down.


But critics say Cameron’s answer to the energy crisis is as ridiculously childish in its lack of understanding of reality as Miliband’s is in its lack of understanding of economics.

“The prime minister wants us to go back to the good old days,” said Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough School of Sphincter-Shafting, “when the gasman came round with his ponycart and brought a basket of gas to the tradesman’s entrance – perhaps a hamper, if it was a weekend.

“Or if you weren’t posh he brought you your gas in a sucked-out eggshell, and you paid him with a sack of toenail clippings, or with a turnip or something.”

Professor McEyebrau added “But the reality is that bulk purchasers and suppliers of energy need enormous infrastructures and significant political influence, like for instance, a state industry has. They also need to be publically accountable, like for instance, oh I don’t know, a state industry is.

“Not that I – or any news organisation repeating my words – want to get too politically partisan, but privatising vital utilities is unbelievably fuckwitted. Renationalise them. You twats.”

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