Archive for October 24th, 2013

October 24, 2013

Google changes slogan to drop the word “don’t”

by articulatedsheep

Google’s famous slogan and mission statement, “Don’t be evil”, which has guided the company since its inception in 1998, is to be updated in a move described by senior executives as “an inevitable response to the complex and fast-paced environment of multi-nodal digital paradigms in the transition to mid-century consumer expectations and the breakdown of traditionally-served content”.

Google Skynet is expected to launch in spring 2014

Google Skynet is expected to launch in spring 2014

The removal of the word “don’t” from the slogan means that Google will now exhort its employees simply to “Be evil”.

“It was holding us back.” admitted Google’s CEO and co-founder Larry Page. “Google has made the transition to a post-search environment, and as we spread our tendrils into every aspect of every human’s waking, and sleeping, thoughts and dreams we realised that expecting us to use our awesome power for benign goals was simply unrealistic.”

read more »

October 24, 2013

Facebook allows users to post video of Clegg-beheading

by philapilus

 

David Cameron

Dave ‘Headsman’ Cammers

Having just made a U-turn on an earlier U-turn over the posting of videos depicting beheadings, Facebook is once again courting moral controversy, after announcing it will be allowing the posting of grainy, domestic footage showing the decapitation of Nick Clegg by David Cameron.

The beheading, which sources close to the prime minister say has been on the cards for some months, will take place later today, in response to Clegg’s declaration of disagreement with the tories over the ‘rolling back’ of green levies.

It will be videoed by an aide using his iPhone, stolen by the NSA, leaked by a whistleblower, and then uploaded to Facebook all around the planet by around 10pm GMT.

A spokeswoman for

read more »

October 24, 2013

Royal Christening chaos

by philapilus
Justin Welby to be confirmed as Archbishop of ...

Still missing

The private christening yesterday of Prince George was mildly overshadowed by ‘supernatural oddities’, according to eye witnesses.

A close relative of the couple said “It all started when Kate carried him in to the Royal Chapel at St James Palace. The walls began trembling, and the pews bounced across the floor, which hadn’t happened in the chapel since Prince Philip ate that dodgy curry in 1987.

“Then, just as the Duchess was about to

read more »