Major attacks Cameron on energy policy

by articulatedsheep

In a surprise intervention, former Prime Minister John Major has attacked the Coalition’s energy policy.

Dat crump, fam

Dat crump, fam

Major was elected to his Huntingdon seat in Parliament in 1979, before becoming Prime Minister in 1990. Following his emphatic electoral defeat in 1997 and his subsequent decision to withdraw from frontline politics, he relocated to south London’s notorious Aylesbury Estate near Peckham, where today he scrapes a living as a small time drug dealer and DJ.

“I sez to him, ‘It bait, bruv.'” Major explained to reporters. “‘Fam, round dis ends everyone know them retail electricity market is a jinels.’ But he givin’ me air, innit.”

“Is I vexed though?” Major continued with a sigh. “Iss standard, blud.”

The intervention of the former Prime Minister – still an influential figure within the Conservative Party – is understood to have caught Downing Street by surprise. A spokesman said, “This is an interesting suggestion from Mr. Major. Of course, by ‘interesting’ we mean that we think that he should go and die in a ditch somewhere.”

“I mean, we’re talking about the judgment of someone who had sex with Edwina Currie. Repeatedly, so it’s not as if he can claim it was some horrible accident. And then there was the other thing with Raisa Gorbachev, and the whole business with the British Aerospace shares and the shell company in Gibraltar, and the heroin. But I’ve said too much.”

“Just to be clear,” the spokesman continued, “in the modern Conservative Party we’re incapable of responding to any criticism without engaging in wild, incoherent ad hominem attacks. It’s sort of like the fat kid being bullied in the playground and swinging his arms around wildly, his eyes full of tears, as chortling sixth formers throw the contents of his pencil case around the playground while he desperately tries to catch them.”

A spokesman from the UK power industry said, “Look, how many times do we have to say this? Fuck. Off.”

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