Archive for October 23rd, 2013

October 23, 2013

Major attacks Cameron on energy policy

by articulatedsheep

In a surprise intervention, former Prime Minister John Major has attacked the Coalition’s energy policy.

Dat crump, fam

Dat crump, fam

Major was elected to his Huntingdon seat in Parliament in 1979, before becoming Prime Minister in 1990. Following his emphatic electoral defeat in 1997 and his subsequent decision to withdraw from frontline politics, he relocated to south London’s notorious Aylesbury Estate near Peckham, where today he scrapes a living as a small time drug dealer and DJ.

“I sez to him, ‘It bait, bruv.'” Major explained to reporters. “‘Fam, round dis ends everyone know them retail electricity market is a jinels.’ But he givin’ me air, innit.”

“Is I vexed though?” Major continued with a sigh. “Iss standard, blud.”

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October 23, 2013

Ruby Tandoh responsible for Grangemouth closure

by articulatedsheep

It has been revealed that Great British Bake-Off finalist Ruby Tandoh is to blame for the ending of petrochemical operations at the Grangemouth plant in Scotland.

Butter wouldn't melt

Butter wouldn’t melt

 

The shock closure, involving the loss of 800 jobs, is entirely at the hand of Tandoh, 21, who over the past ten weeks has inexplicably become a figure of immeasurable public hatred.

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