People who work in Dubai “would have collaborated with the Nazis”, study shows

by articulatedsheep

An exhaustive study carried out by the University of Basildon has conclusively proved that British people who voluntarily go out to Dubai to work are the same kind of people who you would naturally expect to have collaborated happily with the Nazis in the event of a German invasion of Britain in World War Two.

OTE £125,000 pa plus excellent benefits

OTE £125,000 pa plus excellent benefits

Report author Bob Carolgees said, “Imagine a totalitarian dictatorship built on slave labour, where a moneyed middle and upper class can grow rich and complacent on the backs of the ruthless exploitation of human misery. And Nazi Germany wasn’t much better. See what I did there?”

The study explored the mystifying justifications used by ex-pats in the desert hellhole, described as “Mos Eisley spaceport as reimagined by the set designers who worked on the film ‘Logan’s Run'”.

Personal trainer Stephanie Bum told researchers, “It’s all about the quality of life really.”

“Getting up in the morning, driving in your air conditioned car to some soulless mall, trudging aimlessly around all day, then driving to an almost identical mall to go to some godawful nightspot called something like ‘Bar Luxe’ where you can sit and drink overpriced champagne in an environment that smells vaguely of disinfectant while some muscled arsehole in a tight-fitting t-shirt who imagines himself to be a DJ inexpertly mixes Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’ with Miley Cyrus’s ‘Wrecking Ball’. And then driving home, avoiding looking at the labourers on the side of the road trudging back to their prison camps miles outside the city, as you speed back to your aseptic, 47th floor apartment. What could be better?”

“Look,” said investment banker Gavin Twat, “people say that the entire economy of Dubai is built on the back of slavery and indentured labour, and that Brits in search of easy money, who are prepared to leave what morals they have at the door, cheerfully let themselves be blinded to that fact notwithstanding how patently obvious it is to anyone with an ounce of human compassion. But aren’t we all slaves, in a way? Think about it.”

Property consultant Roger De Arsehole said, “To be honest, you need a bit of dictatorship to make things happen. Look at this place. Thirty years ago it was a desert. Now it’s like Manhattan, except without the culture, diversity and vitality. If you need a bit of slave labour to push that along, why not? We can learn some lessons from this back home – we should knock down the north, gas everyone who lives there and build some nice big skyscrapers for me and my friends to live in, and some big motorways for us all to drive our massive SUVs on. I mean, you know who invented motorways? Hitler, that’s who. So he can’t have been all bad.”

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