Why Cameron’s cronies get the loaf, and the poor have crusts, by Polly Toynbee

by philapilus
David Cameron

‘I am guessing this uniformed man is the head of his fascist secret service, who go round supermarkets secretly re-pricing food until the poor can no longer afford it’

If ever we needed evidence that the Conservatives were out of touch, it came this week, when the Prime Minister admitted he didn’t know the price of a loaf of bread.

Unlike ordinary decent folk – like me – who do know the price (it’s 47p, and I didn’t just read that on the BBC website, I definitely already knew it), Cameron is living in Lala land.

Once again he seems to be inviting heavyweight, brilliant intellectuals – like me – to vent our spleens and make laboured, hamfisted, alliterative puns about how the crumbs and crusts the poor are living on are nothing compared to Cameron’s Cotswold Crunch.

In other words to make complete pretentious twats of ourselves.

Well, I’m not falling for it. I’m going to treat this seriously and objectively.

This whole issue – which I would like to christen ‘Breadgate’ – is the greedy, capitalist, controlling, grasping, bloodsucking, fascist, Tory, bad and evil agenda writ large. It is not hyperbole to say that this is the most important political issue of the last 200 years. The tories are so out of touch, they don’t even know the cost of a pint of milk either (it’s 45p, as all of us real people know by heart, I definitely didn’t just look that up).

Boo to the Tories by the way, in case you can’t tell. I think they’re just a bunch of rich twats, and that’s my considered, weighty, objective opinion. I’m not claiming Labour can do no wrong, but they can’t, and that’s been scientifically proven.

So what’s the answer? Here’s my simple, but brilliant, solution. The most important thing our toff Tory politicians could possibly do is spend hours and hours and hours trawling every supermarket shelf in Britain until they know the price of every single commodity.

And the most important thing our press can possibly do is write coloumn after column analysing whether or not a politician’s knowledge of the cost of various Budget-range tins of peaches is good enough to allow them to hold a government position.

It’s what I’d do if I were an MP, even if I was an opinionated, boring, self-obsessed orator like Cameron, instead of the in-touch, brilliant, penetrating and egalitarian reporter that I humbly believe myself to be.

I’d like to end with a personal challenge to our Tory overlord-dictator: I spoke to an actual poor, working-class person yesterday Dave, did you?

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This article was syndicated from our sister paper, the Grauniad

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