“You say Tom*TAY*to, I say tom*TAR*to, let’s call the whole thing an abomination,” say Tories

by philapilus
English: Green tomato on the plant before ripe...

Look at them rubbing against each other like a right bunch of gaylords

A new hybrid plant, called the TomTato, has just come onto the market, and has already been roundly deplored by senior Conservatives as “an unholy debasement of the concept of marriage, as laid down by God Almighty.”

The TomTato, created by grafting a potato stalk to a tomato stalk, was intended to be a solution for people with small gardens, as it produces both crops from a single plant in a single pot.

But Peter Bone, Tory MP, said “This plant clearly represents a departure from scripture. Need I remind today’s market gardeners of Leviticus 19, which says ‘thou shallt not sow thy field with mingled seed’?

“It’s as wrong as bumsex, it’s as gay as bumsex, and it makes me feel all uncomfortable in my pants just like bu- well, that’s not relevant, but anyway, this plant is sinful, and dangerous to our children’s moral fibre.”

Owen Paterson, climate change sceptic and pretend-enivronment secretary, said “This is a question about how we as a society function. It’s not about discrimination, it’s about our heritage.

“And keeping the queers, benders, and grafted plants out of sight of the ordinary, good, upstanding decent folk like you and me.

“Do you want to put a gay cock or one of those fradulent potatoes in your mouth? I certainly don’t. And I’m not going to have either of them shoved down my throat by this lame consortium of liberal appeasers.”

Meanwhile Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has appointed an urgent commission to consider the Church of England’s position on TomTatoes

“This is my top priority,” he said “And I am pushing this forward with all my might. It may even report back as soon as 2034. In the meantime we’ll stick with our ‘everything’s a sin’ fallback position.”

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