iPhone 5s and iPhone 5c “allow you to talk to yourself”

by philapilus
English: Left to right: iPhone, iPhone 3G, iPh...

The next strategy is to get everyone to buy three iPhones, so that you can picture message yourself a photo of the conversation you are having with yourself.

Apple said this morning that its two new versions of the iPhone are intended to be used simultaneously by a single user, to “replace all that messy business of thinking quietly in your own head”.

Tim Cook, CEO of Apple said, “I don’t know about you, but I get absolutely sick of trying to work stuff out in the suffocating, existential void of my inner mind. But now, by talking into one iPhone and listening to yourself with the other, you can bypass the whole ‘interior monologue’!”

The iPhone has been one of Apple’s flagship products since its introduction in 2007. Devoted fans hurriedly buy up the new versions that are released once every three weeks, to avoid the terrible solecism of owning a piece of equipment that no longer has that fresh, ‘just out of the packaging’ smell.

But this is the first time the company has actually attempted to make customers purchase different versions simultaneously.

Cook said “Buy them, buy them both. The power of Apple compels you…

“And all your friends will be dead impressed as you walk down the street holding a shiny new iPhone to each ear. Just think how cool you’ll look! Right up to the bit where you walk under a lorry which you didn’t hear approaching.

“I use two all the time, and it really does help me think. But mostly if I talk aloud to myself all day, I don’t hear the accusing little voice in my head that says ‘You shouldn’t have murdered Steve, you shouldn’t have murdered Steve’ over and over and over.

“Hang on, did I say that out loud? Shit.”

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