Samantha Cameron having affair with Manu Tuilagi

by philapilus

 

Winston Churchill in Downing Street giving his...

By 1945 Winston had had nearly every housewife in London. His fingers were so sore from making the cuckold sign that he resorted to using this one instead.

It emerged this morning that the prime minister’s wife has been having an affair with young rugby player, Manu Tuilagi.

The British and Irish Lions star visited Downing Street with his team-mates yesterday, for a function celebrating victory over Australia. During the official photo shoot, Tuilagi was caught on camera sticking fingers up behind David Cameron’s head.

A No 10 spokesman said “Initially we thought he was simply performing the schoolboyish ‘bunny ears prank’, which would have been quite high-level comedy for a rugby player.

“But forensic photographic analysis, by which I mean ‘looking at the photo in a newspaper’, revealed that Tuilagi was in fact giving Cameron the cuckold’s horns. David confronted Samantha, and the whole sordid truth came out.”

Mrs Cameron admitted she had been seeing the rugby player on and off for many months, saying “For God’s sake I’m married to David bloody Cameron. What do you expect? 

“Just imagine that smarmy face, frowning with concentrated effort just inches above you, whilst he plugs away at your hole with his little thing, night after night. Sickening, isn’t it? And you honestly are surprised I’m getting it elsewhere?”

Tuilagi refused to comment directly on the relationship, but he did tell reporters “I spend all day with my head pressed against other men’s bollocks. I’ll take any poontang I can get.”

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