“We wouldn’t date you bastards either” say Blobfish

by philapilus
English: A dominant male proboscis monkey at t...

“I wouldn’t kiss Richard Littlejohn to save the fucking rainforests”

After being named the planet’s ugliest creature in a competition to pick a mascot for the Ugly Animal Preservation Society, blobfish said today that, as far as they were concerned, humans weren’t all that either.

Spokesfish Bob Flish said “Speaking on behalf of the various species that you hairless monkeys have taken it upon yourselves to call ugly, I’d like to say that, collectively, the entire animal kingdom would rather go extinct than on a date with Bruce Forsyth.

“I mean you’ve got some fucking nerve, haven’t you? Look at Esther Rantzen, Anne Diamond, David Dickinson, Ant and/or Dec; no wonder so many of you try and fuck sheep, with mingers like that around. And so far I’m only naming past-it, D-list British TV personalities.

“You ask any proboscis monkey if he or she would like to go on a romantic cruise with Steven Seagal or Arnold Scwarzenegger, and it would tear its own nose off just to get away.

“And I don’t see how you can complain about their noses, anyway. What about Prince Charles’s fucking ears?!

“But if we’re really going to get down to it, I’ve got two words for you: Cherie. Blair.

“You wanna go and think about that for a second? We’ll be right here waiting for your apology. Assholes.”

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