Archive for September 11th, 2013

September 11, 2013

Shapps: “Independent reports are more independent if I write them for you”

by philapilus
Resident with Grant Shapps

“Hi, my name’s Grant…or possibly Michael. Or maybe Sebastian… hang on, what day is it?”

Conservative party chairman Grant Shapps has today lashed out at a UN official’s criticism of conservative party policy, on the basis that the comments weren’t made or approved by the conservative party.

Raquel Rolnik, who is producing a report for the UN human rights council on adequate housing around the world, recommended that the government’s changes of housing benefit be suspended, especially the so-called ‘bedroom tax’.

“This is disgusting,” said Shapps, “Ms Rolnik made totally unfair comments about social housing benefits, based on chatting to benefit claimants living in social housing! She didn’t

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September 11, 2013

UK economy to collapse if England doesn’t qualify for Brazil 2014

by philapilus
World cup England

A metaphor even the English can understand

The success or otherwise of the England football team to qualify for the World Cup hangs over the UK economy like the sword of Damocles, it was claimed yesterday, and failure is guaranteed to reduce us to mass poverty, savage barbarism and starvation.

The British Retail Consortium yesterday warned the FA that if England did not qualify, the cost to the wider sphere of commerce across the UK would be “At least a Jizzilion kasmillion pounds”.

Wendy Nailinthehead, of the BRC, said “Unless our team of people who kick a ball about on a field get to kick the ball about on a field in South America, the

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