Government to build special prison to breed evil super-villains

by philapilus
Bane cosplayer

Brutal, evil, and without a trace of humanity, Chris Grayling has been Justice Secretary since August 2012

The Justice Secretary Chris Grayling has today unveiled plans to close some of the UK’s most overcrowded prisons, and throw all of the inmates into a huge, underground dungeon, of the kind featured in the film ‘The Dark Knight Rises’.

Grayling said this morning “Our prisons are expensive, overcrowded, and frankly they are really boring. I should know, I have to keep inspecting them and it is dull as fuck. Whereas the last Batman film had this awesome pit full of violent, fist-fighting men, and spawned Bane, who was absolutely super-cool.

“Seriously, did you see the bit where he just picked Batman up and broke his spine over his knee? I had to rewind it seven times, I was like ‘Woah! Dude!’

“So anyway, I thought that would be the perfect model for the UK penal system.”

The new scheme will see the closure of prisons in Reading, Dorchester, Northallerton and Blundeston, and the creation of a so-called ‘Super-prison’, which will consist of a series of cages at the bottom of a giant, stone-walled well.

Grayling added “The impossibility of climbing out of the pit will slowly destroy the souls of all cast into it. That, and the crushing inhumanity of our outmoded system, should get the inmates really agitated. Hopefully we’ll get some excellent fights going, which we can put on Youtube.”

A spokesperson for David Cameron said “The Prime Minister is fully behind this initiative. As education and meaningful employment is pushed ever-further beyond the grasp of today’s youth, it is very positive to know that we are creating new opportunities in providing extra places for them to be incarcerated, which is of course an excellent substitute for a British education.

“Initially we were concerned that we might not be able to make the super-prison bleak enough; the one from Batman is some grim hole in a desert somewhere. But Grayling, in a stroke of genius, thought of something even worse. Yep, that’s right; it’s going to be in fucking Wales.”

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