Obama: “What the hell does it take to please you people?”

by philapilus
English: President George W. Bush and Presiden...

‘Can you give me some tips please?’

President Obama is expected to address Congress this morning, and berate them for being “A contrary bunch of fucking jerks”.

Sources close to the president indicate he is at the end of his tether, and is likely to scream “What exactly is it you people want anyway?!” before beating his fists on the podium and throwing a tantrum.

Obama’s plan to use military force against Syria has met surprising levels of resistance, even amongst the preternaturally bellicose republicans, who claim the democrat president has absolutely no strategy.

Obama said yesterday “I’m really going to give it to them. This is just pissing me off. They have frustrated me at every turn throughout my presidency, but I really thought we’d get on if I started a war somewhere.

“Republicans love new wars. They get terribly excited about all that faux-grave ‘It is with regret and heavy hearts that we are now going to carpet-bomb every square inch of Arabistan…’. I was hoping we’d bond over the pretty explosions.

“But the bastards won’t even support me on blowing the shit out of duskies. Just what is it these assholes want?”

Republican senator Randy Bumfukowitz, said “We are increasingly concerned that our military commitments are stretching beyond our resources.

“Obama’s plan will commit us to yet more foreign intervention with no clear objectives or exit strategy – and this time not even a single Royal Marine to use as a footstool.

“These would all be excellent reasons for not going to war. But in fact none of that really matters, we’re just having such a blast fucking with him.”

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