Miranda’s detainment at Heathrow “legally sound”

by philapilus
Miranda

Despite being “Baffled, terrified and shellshocked”, Miranda’s audience continue to tune in, week after week.

Scotland Yard has said that its decision to detain Miranda Hart at Heathrow under the terms of the terroism act was “legally sound”.

The acclaimed comedian was held for nine hours on Sunday, during which she claims she was intimidated by police and treated like a criminal, despite having done nothing wrong.

Ms Hart said she was “confused and frightened” by the ordeal, and had additionally had her laptop confiscated and destroyed.

“They told me they thought I was planning to deliver leaked intelligence reports to Glenn Greenwald, whoever he is.” she said.

Superintendent PC McGarry No.452 of Scotland Yard said “I can confirm that we detained a 40-year old woman and questioned her about the contents of her hard drive.

“On finding what at first glance looked like sensitive material, we took the decision to waste no time in actually reading it, and, with great speed and efficiency, destroyed her computer, her luggage, the contents of her handbag, and the clasp on her bra. Just to be on the safe side.”

But Ms Hart insists what the police saw was not confidential intelligence material, and had nothing to do with the Snowden Affair.

“Unfortunately for me they spotted a Word document, containing some scathingly satirical material I wrote about the 21st century state and the abuse of information-gathering resources, and they assumed I was a spy.

“That was when the waterboarding and the beatings started.”

Wiping away tears, Ms Hart continued “But actually I was only going to include it in my kooky, semi-autobiographical TV show, ‘Miranda’. I thought it would fit in well with the pratfalls and gently old-fashioned comedy.

“Have you seen the show? It’s really not quite as diabolically awful as it sounds.”

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