Cameron “thinking of nuking Spain and Argentina”

by philapilus
David Cameron at the 37th G8 Summit in Deauvil...

Seriously, just you fucking dare…

David Cameron is said to be on the verge of “bombing the shit out of Spain And Argentina, if they don’t shut up about our overseas territories”, after suffering severe backache during his holiday in Jura.

The prime minister said he had seen a doctor and been told he had a protruding disc, which may require a painkilling epidural injection.

“I’m basically a ball of pain and rage at the minute,” Cameron told the BBC, “I have a phenomenally bad back, and it’s a bore. Plus I’ve just been told they might stick a sodding giant needle into my fucking spine! 

“If any of the Argies or greasy Dagos want to start something, I am just about ready to unleash a world of destruction on someone’s head.

“Seriously, go on guys; just either one of you so much as breathe ‘Gibraltar’ or ‘Falklands’ and I’m pressing the fucking button.”

Experts say that Cameron’s threat may just be “his pain speaking”, but it should still be taken seriously. 

Unemployed historian Tim Twanks said “We now know that most wars and episodes of vast destruction throughout history began because someone was feeling a bit under the weather.

“We should take Cameron’s threat very seriously. From Napoleon’s sore throat to Pol Pot’s migraine, from Mussolini’s shingles to Alexander the Great’s ‘morning tummy’ after that dodgy kebab, countless human misery has resulted from powerful people getting poorly.  As for Hitler’s ingrowing toenail; Jesus Christ!”

Twanks added “Seriously people, unless you want a Third World War, go find him some Deep Heat and ibuprofen.”

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