Diana “murdered” by RNLI

by philapilus
English: Wee Jimmy Krankie (left) and Jimmy Kr...

They’ve never actually said they *didn’t* do it…

Fresh claims about the death of Diana Princess of Wales emerged this morning, linking her fatal car crash in a Parisian tunnel to the shady Royal National Lifeboat Institution.

As the Daily Express entered Day 5832 of it’s cover-to-cover daily coverage of the aftermath of Diana’s death, it revealed this shocking new allegation, made by an un-named informant.

Editor Mike Ock said “Our secret source, told us – secretly and anonymously – that in 2002 he met a bloke in the pub who after eight pints loosened up and told him the secret of the century; Diana was secretly murdered by secret agents from the RNLI,

“And our source never saw that man again! Suspicious? Too bloody right! They must have bugged the pub, and killed him later that very same evening.”

Asked why it had taken 11 years for the secret source to come forward, Ock said “Well…he was terrified wasn’t he? And also, he’s been subjected to massive police harrassment, hasn’t he?

“He’s had a string of arrests for drink-related offences, even though he personally promised me he’s never touched a drop in his life.

“He was even imprisoned for six months after the RNLI sabotaged his car and made him crash into a stationery police van. They’d tampered with the breathalyser too, so the cops thought he was drunk.

“All very ‘convenient’ for the powers that be, isn’t it?”

The story in the Express follows a slew of fresh but conflicting allegations made over the weekend, that Diana was variously murdered by the SAS, the cast of Coronation Street and her grandson, George, using a time machine.

There was also a claim that she never died at all, but was abducted and imprisoned in a basement for sexual purposes by the Krankies.

Ock said “We’re sure that it was the lifeboat lot though. Our source is completely reliable. For example, on his way to our secret meeting, an RNLI agent jumped out, pissed all over his trousers, then vomited lager down his shirt, to try and discredit him as a drunk.

“If that isn’t proof he’s telling the truth then I don’t know what is.”

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