Edinburgh’s Tian Tian actually a dog

by philapilus
English: Dog breed Canadian Pointer black and ...

This penguin’s a bit suspicious as well

Following the embarrassing revelation that the ‘African lion’ at a Chinese zoo was in fact a Tibetan mastiff dog, keepers at Edinburgh zoo have discovered that their possibly-pregnant panda Tian Tian is also a disguised canine.

Like the mastiff, Tian Tian blew her cover when she barked at visitors. After she subsequently pissed on a lamp-post, mauled a post-man and then later ate her own vomit, zoologists gradually realised that she was definitely a dog.

The ‘panda’ handler Wendy Nailinthehead said “Our suspicions were slightly aroused when Tian Tian first arrived from China. They told us that you have to keep repainting the white bits, otherwise they wear out.

“But none of us had ever looked after a panda before, and they were the experts, so we just went along with it. I can’t believe I have spent two years painting white patches on what turns out to be a black labrador.”

But in further developments this afternoon it has been confirmed that Tian Tian is not the only bitch in captivity disguised as an exotic animal.

Head of London Zoo, Roger Badgers, said “We have just discovered that one of our giraffes is actually a very long dachsund, gaffer-taped to the top of a yellow stool. She’s even got a collar on. Should’ve spotted that.

“Also what we thought was an irritable, hugely disgruntled rhino turns out to be Ann Widdecombe. Apparently she fell into the enclosure in 2010, but none of us noticed.

“She’s furious. Said she’s been shouting for help for three years solid. To be honest I just sort of assumed that grating, warbling high-pitched noise was what rhinos normally sound like when they’re in heat or something.”

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