Putin makes show of strength with arrest of “seditious” toddler

by philapilus
Vladimir Putin - World Economic Forum Annual M...

‘I am not a person with whom to fuck!’ the Kremlin strongman warns a kindergarten group

Russian premiere Vladimir Putin today followed up the imprisonment of political rival Alexei Navalny with another display of forthright power, when he had a small child arrested this afternoon.

Witnesses said that Putin’s official convoy stopped outside the Kremlin whilst secret servicemen detained a toddler, who appeared to have made a rude gesture at the neurotically insecure president.

A Kremlin spokesman, Ivan Neverhaditoff, said “Small boy is licking ice cream as president’s car passes. Or maybe tongue is poking out at glorious leader? We take no chances, presidential cavalcade stop, and Federal Security Service hold child still while hard-man president rain merciless judo blows upon him!

“Then strongman Putin hurt finger on cobbled street, child is arrested, and Putin go to hospital. Papers are told what to print, everyone’s camera confiscated. Victorious day for Russian President!”

Russian Affairs analyst Professor Hamish McEyebrau said “Putin is once again displaying his iron will, and absolute power.

“He is determined to cast himself in the mould of other popular Russian leaders who gained the neverending love of their people by being absolute bastards, such as Josef Stalin.

“Basically, this is a man who has a tight grip on the reins of power, and absolutely nothing can stop him.

“Except of course an actual election, which is why he is so petrified of any public opposition whatsoever, be it from a political opponent or a potentially cheeky child.”

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