Thresher sharks “have ninja training”

by philapilus
Thresher Shark

Masters of disguise; now you see them, now you don’t…

Research published in the scientific journal Plos One has revealed for the first time the surprising discovery that thresher sharks use ninjitsu to catch their prey.

Pelagic thresher sharks in the Philippines were recenty captured on film performing impressive overhead kicks, one-inch punches, and killing neck-chops, to take out unwitting sardines.

Professor Hamish McEyebrau, of the Slough School of Shaolin Sharks, said “The threshers have perfected the art of concealment. Appearing from nowhere they will strike with deadly accuracy and killing power.

“They will frequently resort to a range of deadly assassin weaponry and tactics; using starfish as throwing shuriken for instance, or squid-ink to cloak their stealthy movements.”

The UK’s Marine Biological Association issued a statement saying “This is the find of the century. Ninjas are really fashionable right  now, with ninja characters prevalent in computer games, and the rise of so-called ‘urban ninjas’ practising parkour on rooftops.

“Additionally, sharks have always held a fascination for man; sleek, powerful, dangerous and fast – sort of like a sportscar, or Susanna Reid.

“These ninja sharks are quite possibly the coolest thing in the seas, and this is a real game-changer for our profession. From now on, oceanographic documentaries are going to feature tense martial arts battles, poor quality dubbing, and precarious superhuman – sorry, superpiscine – acrobatics.

“It’s going to shit all over Sir David bloody Attenborough.”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: