Miliband: ‘Backwards is the new forwards’

by philapilus
Neil Kinnock at the 2007 British Council Stude...

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

 Ed Miliband confirmed today that Labour would continue using a time machine to revisit the 1970s, as part of its attempt to defeat the tories at the next general election. 

Miliband’s comments came after a carefully-orchestrated party-union row over the nominations for a candidate in Falkirk, which experts say “Have catapulted Labour back into the strong position they enjoyed throughout the 1970s and 1980s.”

The brilliant strategy adopted by both the Labour leadership and by Len McCluskey and the Unite union, is to engage in interminable, hostile, ideological wrangling, which they hope will alienate a significant majority of voters by 2015.

Labour campaign manager, Mike Twat, said “Since the tories have reverted to Thatcher-era policies they have gone from strength to strength.

“The whole country’s gone mad for the late 70s and 80s. There’s been a Royal wedding, mass unemployment, an ongoing belligerent argument with Argentina, everyone’s being spied on by America – even our economy has enjoyed a delightfully retro meltdown.

“Clearly what we need is to go back to our own recent roots, and go skinny-dipping in the delightfully boggy quagmire of leftist factionalism and esoteric rows, until the party gradually implodes.”

Ed Miliband said “I believe that Labour and Unite can work together – or not together, rather – in cementing our respective reputations as a weak-willed party that bows to pressure, and a bunch of bolshy, workshy, flatcap-wearing naysayers.

“If we have achieved this goal by 2015, I believe we should have no problem whatsoever matching our performances from the 1979, 1983, 1987 and 1992 general elections.”

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