Julia Gillard pilloried for not knitting giant middle finger

by philapilus
Koalas australia zoo

No worries, the Australian parliament will debate the pictures in tomorrow’s session, if they aren’t all full as googs.

25/06/2013

Australian prime minister Julia Gillard has been the subject of intense scorn this week, after a photoshoot in which she sat in an armchair knitting a kangaroo for the child of William and Kate.

National media attacked her cliched feminine pose and passively pro-Royal stance. But most of all Australians were furious that she was not photographed drunkenly knitting a large middle finger emblazoned with ‘Fuck you, England’.

Opposition leader Tony Abbott put down his lager, swayed disconcertingly, and said “Strewth mate, the bloody Sheila ought to have had a piccy taken of her chundering all over herself after drinking a few tinnies. Where’s her sense of national pride?

“If she’s gonna knit anything it should be a bloody crocheted banner saying ‘Bloody Royal pommies can bloody well sod off, with their bloody baby’. It’s bloody outrageous, mate.”

A spokesperson for the prime minister, Bruce Billabong, downed a crate of Castlemaine XXXX and said “Oh mate, why can’t that stickybeak Abbott buzz off? Tell you for true, mate, I wouldn’t mind rubbing his bloody nose in the dunny for him. What a donger.

“If our top Sheila wants to knit a bloody kangaroo, what’s it to him anyway? Why’s he getting all agitated like an abo with ants in his ass?”

He threw up noisily over his barbecue and added “Some blokes have got too much bloody time on their hands. Anyway, chuck us a few more prawns for the barbie, mate; I’ve liquid-laughed over these ones. Chuck me a coldie as well, wouldja? She’ll be right.”

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TMB in no way endorses racism or derogatory national stereotypes of any kind. If you’re Australian, and have been offended by the content of this article, why don’t you get over yourself, you degenerate alcoholic, and stop coming the raw prawn?

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