Longest day draws crowds to Stonehenge

by philapilus


Druids celebrationg rituals at Stonehenge.

These druids are about to perform the ancient ritual of dancing the Hokey-Cokey “You put your left leg in, your left leg out…”

Pagan worshippers, druids, and people who like laughing at freaks, all congregated at Stonehenge this morning, for the summer solstice.

Police estimated that a crowd of well over 20,000 came to the ancient monument to witness the dawn, on a day that sometimes sees 4 or even 5 hours of sunlight.

Druid leader Merlin Mordred Evenstar, who for the rest of the year moonlights as a postman from Wolverhampton called Dave, said “Summer solstice is a very special, sacred day in our calendar, when we gather and celebrate the sun whilst sheltering from the pouring rain under the megaliths, just as our spiritual ancestors have for thousands of years.

“Sometimes there’ll be a break in the clouds and you’ll see some lighter cloud behind, maybe even some sky if you’re really lucky, although such a magical occurrence has not happened in my lifetime.”

Unemployed pagan Tim Twanks said “This is a holy and ancient ritual of huge significance. Until a few years ago I was just a loser sleeping on my parents’ sofa. The idea of standing in the fog on a freezing June morning would have seemed like lunacy.

“But since I became a pagan, and learned to be one with the spirits and the earth and the stars, I now comprehend the cosmic significance of worshipping the sun. I mean, obviously we can’t actually ever see it, but that’s what makes paganism a real religion. If we didn’t worship things we couldn’t see, we’d be a laughing stock.

“And now that Granny’s dead, my parents have given me a room of my own. Take that, sceptics!”

Professor Hamish McEyebrau of the Slough School of Secular Sneering at Spirituality said “Historically speaking these druids’ beliefs are utter tosh. Stonehenge was nothing more than a meeting place where our ancestors gathered to engage in that most ancient of English pastimes, discussing the weather.

“But since that activity now pervades our culture completely, these monuments have become an irrelevance. A bit like the Sun newspaper.”

Stonehenge at sunset on a cloudy day.

In 1952 a terrifying light was seen in the sky on this day, but fortunately it has never returned





%d bloggers like this: