National Trust to introduce prostitute service

by philapilus
English: Waddesdon Manor, built between 1874 a...

For a quite reasonable fee, you too can find out what it’s like to play Lord of the Manor, and have your way with the scullery maid.

Thursday 13 June 2013

In what it describes as a ‘perception-changing’ drive, the National Trust is going to start renting out prostitutes at several of its key properties across the UK.

A Trust spokesman, Leslie Fanshawe-Haines-Haines, said “Following a very bad year for visitor figures in 2012, we have decided to try and reach out to demographics that we have not yet tapped into.

“We are therefore trialling the provision of hookers at a number of our beloved heritage sites, such as Cliveden House, Waddesdon Manor and the Stourhead estate. It’s going to be very exciting.

“They’ll be really high-class, and wearing appropriate period-dress; proper posh girls. But at the same time they’re as dirty as they come, and anything goes.”

The National Trust will be publishing more details and a pricelist in the weeks to come, but it is understood that a basic ‘missionary followed by doggystyle’ package will cost around £75. 

Those with NT membership will not enjoy their usual  ‘free entry’ privilege with the whores, but will be eligible for one free handjob per visit.

Other new ventures the National Trust intends to explore in 2013-14 include turning some of its more remote properties into crackhouses, and a series of adult film screenings as part of its ‘Posh Porn Season’.

Mr Fanshawe-Haines-Haines said “Just wait till you see the new look NT Magazine. Phwoar!”

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: