“Clean your fucking plates” says Pope

by unpseudable

Mmmm, tasty.

Pope Francis this week slammed the culture of waste in the West, likening the disposal of food to stealing from the poor.

“Throwing away food,” he said, “is like stealing from the table of those who are poor and hungry. You bastards, you utter, utter bastards. You all think it’s perfectly normal to chuck away a chicken, to dump a dumpling. But you’re wrong. You make me sick. But I’m going to hold it in – lest I waste my lovely ham sandwich lunch. Which would – obviously – be wrong.”

Religious commentator, Reg Illous, commented: “Is wasting food really like stealing from the poor? Not really, no. But for rhetorical purposes, to make a point as potently as possible it’s probably a passable parallel.

“Of course, the Catholic Church has been a little feeble of late in its worldwide mission to make people feel as horribly self-hatingly guilty as possible. They do keep trying with the whole anti-gay thing, but no one really seems to care any more – but quite a few people still do feel a little guilty now and then about being mean to those less well-off than themselves. This is, after all, what the church is about – making people feel shit about themselves. Oh, and some crap about the limitless love of the Almighty or some shit.”

The still relatively new Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby responded with admiration: “That is pretty fucking genius. The idea presumably is that we’ll all feel so utterly horrible about ourselves that in despair we’ll eat more and more, ensuring that we waste no food. As long as we don’t waste any of the stuff – that’s the main thing. It’s fine to be a total lardy bastard like Steven Seagal or Eric Pickles, of course.”

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