Gay marriage proposals dropped forever

by philapilus
Deutsch: Christoph Hopfengärtner, Meisterstück...

“I’m not knocking the bum-bandits and quim-sniffers, heavens no; it’s just that they’re more suited to liking furniture than getting married. That should be obvious to anyone.”

A resounding victory for the anti-gay marriage lobby was scored today, when Baronness Knight clinched the argument over equal marriage rights, on the BBC Radio 5 Live Breakfast Show.

The Baronness definitively destroyed the gay marriage bill with a single, philosophically irrefutable argument, when she explained that “You see, what gay people are for, is being great at things like knowing lots about antiques.

“Splendid people, lovely. I mean, some of my best friends, and so forth. But essentially, just artistic; hardly the type to raise nippers, what?”

Ben Summerskill, Chief Executive of Stonewall, said “Shit. She’s absolutely right. She’s rumbled us. I mean, she hardly needed to add the rider about some of us being delightful, which was actually nicer than we deserve.

“Sweet of her to do it, but now that she’s definitively crushed our case, I’m not even sure I want to be gay anymore. We are actually a pretty sick bunch of deviants, now I come to think of it.

“Oh god, I’ve wasted my life.”

The Baronness had already seriously undermined the gay marriage bill yesterday, when she explained to a profoundly impressed audience in the House of Lords “I’m sorry, but people simply are not created equally, and there’s an end to it.

“For instance, some people have second toes which are longer than their big toes, whereas on the other hand – or other foot, one should perhaps say – some people don’t.”

Following the broadcast of this morning’s interview, the coalition government made the unprecedented move of apologising for even having proposed the bill.

Maria Miller, Minister for Women and Equalities, has already tabled a new bill recriminalising homosexuality, which is expected to become law in the next few days.

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