UK children have ‘very highly-developed knowledge of food’

by philapilus
Baken fishfingers on parchment paper

Allergy Information: If you’re allergic to fish, these are basically fine

A survey by the British Nutrition Foundation indicates that a quarter of primary school children believe that fish-fingers aren’t made with fish, whilst nearly a third think that cheese doesn’t contain dairy products.

Derek Dicksworth, education officer at BNF, said “To be honest we are flabbergasted by the answers that children as young as five gave to questions about food and its production in Britain today.”

“What a bunch of little geniuses! They knew that fish-fingers are made with gunk scraped off horse-abattoir mincers, and many of them guessed that pasta is made from sheep entrails.

“They even knew cheese was made with plants; that is, large plants of machinery, in factories, where rancid vegetable oil is mixed with wax, then cooled, to make the slabs which you and I call ‘cheddar’.”

The BNF also found that perspicacious school-children were well aware that chips were not made from anything that came out of the ground.

Furthermore 8% of primary school children (rising to 32% of 14-16 year olds) knew better than to try ingesting breakfast cereals, and managed to stave off the horrors of eating British food until lunchtime.

Owen Paterson, Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, said “There’s no pulling the wool over the eyes of our youngsters. These kids are fully aware of the shit that goes into supposedly edible products.

“A lifetime of eating bright orange things made entirely of salt and MSG, has taught them how to differentiate between the cheap detritus they have to swallow to stay alive, and the actual foodstuffs that they see people like me getting from expensive organic shops.

“Once we’ve weaned them onto radioactive waste and Soylent Green, we might, just might, as a nation be able to feed ourselves!”

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