Muslims “delighted” to be your punching bag

by philapilus


The Baitul Futuh Mosque in London

“If you feel uneasy throwing bricks and petrol bombs at us, why don’t you pretend you’re relaxing at a coconut shy? Bring the kids; fun for all the family”

Peaceful, moderate muslims across the UK said today that they were thrilled by the prospect of being targeted with yet more stigmatisation, violence, and unconcealed hatred.

Abdul Iqbal, a grocer who doesn’t want to rip your arms and legs off and feed them to rabid dogs, said “Clearly the only appropriate response after yesterday’s atrocious acts of psychotic violence by two extremist nutters, is for you to beat the shit out of us as much as you like.

“I expect we deserve it. I mean, I’m not yet quite sure why my children should be pelted with stones in the park, but after I have finished reading the Daily Mail no doubt it will become clear.

“Oh and if you want to smash my shop up on your way out, that would be just great.”

An imam who asked to remain nameless, said “Actually you might as well just print my name, it’s not like there’s any chance of avoiding reprisals, is it? It’s ‘Wajid Aziz’. But anyway, yeah; you had probably better set fire to our mosques or something, before all 2.7 million of us start foaming at the mouth and blowing up your grandmothers. Apparently.”

Home Secretary Theresa May called for calm and civil order, and promised that by nightfall today there will be two angry truncheon-wielding policemen on the street for every muslim in London, with orders “to Prevent Terrorism with Extreme Prejudice.”

Miriam Smith said “I’m a lawyer, but I’d just love to be attacked on the bus by a middle-aged chav slapper with a vocabulary of less than 5000 words, and be told that I’m an ignorant terrorist. That’s been my dream in life ever since I was a child.

“I mean, it will hurt, but it’ll still be a slight improvement on being a Pakistani girl in an English school in the 1970s. My, how this country has progressed.”

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