Archive for May 14th, 2013

May 14, 2013

Men in moral/horny quandary over Jolie’s mastectomy

by philapilus
Angelina Jolie at the premiere of Alexander in...

“What are we meant to fantasise about now?!” said men everywhere “Do we just focus on her big, pouting, luscious lips and… actually, don’t worry, that’ll do fine.”

The news that Hollywood star Angelina Jolie has had a double mastectomy to reduce her very high risk of breast cancer, has caused men across Britain to feel very confused.

John Thomas, a self-described ‘Jolie-fanatic and then some’, said “I got up, switched on the news, and there was Angelina talking about boobs. Naturally, I grabbed the box of tissues and Assumed The Position on the couch.

“But then it turns out she was talking about the likelihood of getting breast cancer, and it

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May 14, 2013

Cameron “Absolutely delighted” by Tory infighting

by philapilus
English: David Cameron's picture on the 10 Dow...

“It’s going really well. Definitely.”

Downing Street issued a statement this morning saying that the prime minister was “very happy” with his party’s current self-combustion over Europe, and considers it a sign that the debate is “very healthy and not-at-all castatrophically fuckwittedly disastrous for us”.

Many Eurosceptic Conservatives were enraged by the ommission of any reference to an EU referendum in the Queen’s Speech, and have proposed an amendment in Wednesday’s debate on the speech, along the lines of “Sodding well grow some bollocks, Dave”.

But Cameron has played down

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May 14, 2013

Hipsters “not hip” say people with telephones

by unpseudable
Untitled

And so on. Unbiased.

A recent, entirely unbiased, survey conducted in the United States suggests that hipsters are as disliked as dirty Ruskies and Barack Obama by the majority of the population, as the soulless irony-laden drones they are.

This is thought to be the most extensive and revealing survey of opinions on any such sub-culture, finally answering the question of whether those within it are ok or a bit annoying.

Some have considered the poll by Public Policy Polling as “a bit pointless” and “not terribly accurate, helpful, or in any way worthwhile”.

Public Policy Polling sensibly opted not to bias opinions with an actual definition of the term “hipster”,

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